Gnomes in Charge of Time Management

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Clock from Shellyka

In a world where much smarter brains than mine reside, there are lots of theories about time. Quantum Theory. String Theory. Etc., etc. I don't pretend to get any of it. However, I do have my own theory about time. And here it is:

Gnomes live in my clocks. I'm sure they're quite happy and comfortable there but they are very, very naughty. Just when I think I'm going to have time to do something, they move the hands of the clock and speed up time so I have no time at all to do anything of any lasting importance. They also work in reverse, slowing the clock down, usually during Sunday School and meetings at work.

I know I'm not alone in this problem. Lots of people I know also say they don't have time to do the things they want to do. They should check their clocks for gnomes, also.

Work gets more than its share of time, so I believe that the gnomes in the hospital clocks are especially good at what they do.Taking a day off doesn't help - it only makes the day I go back worse and I have less time than before. Having watched other Chief Nursing Officers I've worked under scramble with their calendars I erroneously thought that I'd be better than that. I'd be able to control my calendar. In the immortal words of my daughter:

hahahahahahahahahahahaha........

That calendar controls me. Gnomes must really hate Chief Nursing Officers.

I have the blessing and the curse of being interested in lots of  (maybe too many?) things but there isn't enough time to pursue them with any success. For instance:

• I gave myself until June (yes, this past June) to finish my Dad's book. I'm on Chapter 2. 

• We have this wild hair to visit France and hike the village-to-village walking trails in two years which has prompted me to want to learn conversational French. So far, I can say: "Comment vas tu?" (How are you?) and "Ou sont les toilettes?" (Where is the restroom?) 

• I have this wonderful Nikon D5000 camera, which every now and then I take a really good picture with, but I know it will do more. I have the books. I have Photoshop. I have the subscription to the website. I just don't have the time. 

• I have some really nice piano solo music written. It just takes time to get it recorded and published.

• There are so many books and so little time. Currently I'm reading The Help (I know, I know - everybody else has already read it, but remember that I have a Gnome Infestation and I don't have any time!). Dreams of My Russian Summers by Andrei Malkine is coming up next. The title sounded like a great book to read during the summer but, at the rate I'm going, it may be fall before I get to it. 
• And, of course, where it really gets annoying is that there is never, never, never enough time for this:

My next task after posting this will be to search for a good Gnome Removal Company.

If I can find time.

Onward

Five months after making the decision to move, the moment I had been dreading finally arrived when the movers showed up last weekend.


The big tractor trailer pulled up Friday morning and I have to admit I had to get my Big Girl Panties on about what was coming. We've been through this before with professional movers, so I knew what to expect. But this move is just so....well.....difficult...that when I saw that great big truck I had to go find something to do in the basement for a few minutes to save myself from an embarrassing display of emotion.

The movers were very professional and very careful but they are there to do a job, after all, which is to pack up everything we own and haul it away. It's just so, I don't know, intrusive that there's really no way to get through it except to just do it.

Hating it doesn't change it.

Of course, (because Murphy loves me so his law reigns supreme in my life most of the time) a realtor wanted to show the house in the middle of all this chaos. So, between three strangers tromping through my house putting everything in boxes and three more strangers tromping through my house to see if they wanted to buy it, I realized that I had had enough of all these people invading my privacy and disturbing my home.And they were getting everything so dirty.

So I left for a little while.

When I came back, the realtor was gone and I felt a little better. Sometimes one just needs a little space and then coping can continue.

After the chaos was over and the movers were gone, of course I had to do some cleaning. It was so empty and quiet. Very weird. With all the comings and goings of our family members and friends over the years that house has never been quiet. Until now. I had the same feelings I had when we cleaned out my grandmother's house after she passed away. It was such a difficult thing to do that I just wanted to get out of there, and yet, I never wanted it to end because I knew that once it ended I would never be back again.

However, it's behind me now and we are one big step closer to being re-settled. How I would have loved to have stayed in that beautiful home. When we moved in, Joshua was only 10 years old. Sariah went on her first prom while we lived there. Katie left on her mission from that home. Sariah and Jarom made their first steps into independence out the front door that made rainbows everywhere when the sun shone through it.  Katie and Matt started their married life there then brought little Caleb home from the hospital for a few days until Katie could climb the stairs to their apartment. Joshua's friends kept an extra toothbrush there because they practically lived with us on the weekends. We celebrated 6 Christmases there, 7 Independence Days, 42 birthdays, held one great big Later Family Reunion, and said goodbye to our sweet little Shirley kitty who had been with us for almost the whole time we have been a family.

No wonder I'm having a hard time.

Changes

Just when you think you're quite comfortable, it happens. Oh, everyone says how positive change is and yes, it can be. But does everything have to change all at once!? New job, new place to live, new friends, new ward....even having a new grocery store is freaking me out. 

Good air in, bad air out.... 

And, can I just ask, what's up with the automatic links to commercial websites in my blog? I apologize; just ignore them.

Carefree Highway - once you get past the DMV

My driver's license expired on my birthday a month ago. I put renewing it off as long as possible and was so successful at this procrastination effort that my license expired two weeks before I went to get it renewed. There's a reason for this dragging of feet and I know you'll completely understand.

I hate going to the DMV.

Really, it should be easy, right? Just go in, tell them what you want, pay your fee, take the little eye test, get your picture made and come out none the worse for wear.

But it never turns out that way and this time was no different.

I did a lot of self talk on the way there to keep myself from finding any excuse to put it off a little bit longer. I told myself things like, "you MUST get this done; you're going to get arrested if you get caught without it" and "only losers have expired driver's licenses". Helpful stuff like that.

At first, the DMV lady seemed very nice. I was prepared to be told that I would have to take the drivers test again since my license was expired. But I didn't so that was a good thing. I paid my fee (we're making progress here) and the time for the eye test came.

Now, really, this isn't hard. Put your forehead on the little thingy, push down, and read whatever line they tell you. Except that when I pushed my forehead on the little thingy, I couldn't see anything. I tried again. Nothing.

"I don't see anything" I told her.

And this is where it turned into the typical DMV experience.

"You're not doing it right" she said, condescendingly. "Bring your forehead down some. NO! Not like that. Don't bring the whole thing down - just your forehead!"

Trying to comply, I maneuvered my forehead into a different location but I still couldn't see anything.

"It's blank" I said. "There's nothing there."

Loudly, she says, "well, can't you SEE out of your left eye????"

"I can see fine out of my left eye. There's nothing there." (Side note: I should have added that even if I couldn't see out of my left eye I probably wouldn't have wanted it publicized to everyone who was awkwardly watching and listening, but in retrospect I doubt she would have cared.)

The woman working at the next desk suggested that, perhaps, the eye thingy wasn't plugged in. So, my helpful public servant starts checking connections and even goes so far as to get on her hands and knees under the counter to see if it's plugged into the outlet. So dignified.

In the meantime, her colleague walks over, presses the "on" switch on the eye thingy, then demonstrated true professionalism by tapping her colleague on the back (she's still under the counter) and saying, "back your butt on out of there....you didn't have it turned on".

Nice.

Believe it or not, this time it worked. I did get a very mumbled "sorry about that" from her, but I wanted to now feign deafness (since she thought I was half blind) and say, "I'm sorry....I couldn't hear you....what was that? SORRY you say? Did I hear you say you were SORRY?????"

My mom suggested that perhaps I should have recommended that she take the eye test if she couldn't see that her machine wasn't turned on.

So, in four years I get to do it again. I'm already dreading it.

Trying

Today my life was filled with people:

• Trying too hard.
• Not trying hard enough.
• Trying to understand.
• Trying my patience.
• Trying to fit in.
• Trying to be right.
• Trying to make a point (sometimes several points at once).
"For us, there is only trying. The rest is not our business." (T.S. Eliot)
• Trying to smile (it's hard when you're only 8 weeks old).
• Trying not to cry.
• Trying to figure a way out.
• Trying not to say what was really on their minds.
• Trying to stay warm (ah....May in Idaho)
• Trying to get it right.
• Trying to get it done
• Trying to convince me to go along.
• Trying to believe.
• Trying to find a way.

I am not a child now.
I can take care of myself.
I mustn't let them down now-
Mustn't let them see me cry.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm too tired to listen.
I'm too old to believe:
All these childish stories.
There is no such thing as faith,
And trust,
And pixie dust.
I try,
But it's so hard to believe.
I try,
But I can't see what you see.
I try.
I try.
I try.
My whole world is changing,
I don't know where to turn.
I can't leave you baby,
But I can't stay and watch the sitting burn;
Watch it burn.
'Cause I try,
But it's so hard to believe!
I try,
But I can't see where you see.
I try.
I try.
I try and try,
To understand,
The distance in between:
The love I feel,
The things I fear,
I dearly say good dream.
I can finally see it.
Now I have to believe:
All those precious stories.
All the world is made of faith,
And trust,
And pixie dust.
So I'll try,
'Cause I finally believe!
I'll try,
'Cause I see where you see!
I'll try.
I'll try!
I'll try!
I'll try-
To fly

Tired

Is anyone else tired like me? Weary of heated discussions about health care reform, people partying with tea, and general upset, anxiety, and panic over the state of our country's affairs?

...Believe that it will be O.K....

I'm not sure how much more I can take. So much gloom and doom.

So, to the Chicken Littles who think the sky is falling and believe that President (King?) Obama will be our ultimate destruction, I want to remind you that Heavenly Father is in charge. He is watching over us. The Savior sends us His tender mercies every day....every moment.....if we'll just look for them. Life is good.

So, have hope. Choose hope. Believe that it will all be O.K.

Endless Winter

All summer I spend every free moment outside, soaking up the sun, feeling the warmth. I love, love, love walking out of an air conditioned building into the heat. Oh, it feels so good.

I should have been a cat. Or a lizard. Love that warmth.

Around August I start getting that feeling of dread. I know what's coming. While fall is beautiful in Idaho, winter isn't far behind. And, while I don't mind winter during winter,it just lasts so long here. A friend of mine said once that each season is given three months. It's rude and inconsiderate for any season to take more than it's share. In Idaho, winter is a greedy girl, taking much more than it's allotted three months.

Really,I can only take so many gloomy, gray days and so much windy, snowy weather. My spirit starts to wither. I feel like the old brown leaves on the bushes outside my house, covered in ice.

Let's see....this is February, so I figure we've got a good month of winter left, then it's supposed to be spring but Idaho spring is really just more winter.  It's cold. It's blustery. It snows. And the snow turns to muddy slush.

So, here I am. Quite frankly, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the snow. I'm ready for the sun to come out. But winter in Idaho just seems so e...n...d...l...e...s...s.

I'll admit it  - I'm whining and complaining and I'm not much fun to be around. I'm trying to find the beauty in it but it's hard to find beauty in day after day where everything is gray - the sky, the ground, the trees, my mood.

I know it will eventually warm up. I just have to be patient. Maybe that's the lesson.....be patient. Live the day. Have hope. I found this video that helped me remember that winter is a time for quiet, for stillness which we all need. And spring and summer will come again.  So, if you're like me and are pining away for some warm, sunny weather, I hope this video lifts your spirits. It did mine. At least a little bit.

Anticipation and taking one step at a time

...Let's not get ahead of ourselves here...

I think it's true that sometimes we get a little ahead of ourselves. I'm guilty of thinking too far ahead, worrying in advance, planning without knowing the circumstances, and lurching forward through time. It's fun to plan  but the problem with thinking too far in advance is you just don't know what that particular day will hold.

So, I'm trying to be better at taking one step at a time. Life is often a waiting game, so why not enjoy the wait? One step at a time really is the best. Just live this day. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

I think of where these little shoes traveled when my oldest daughter was a year old. Step after step, until they were, too quickly, outgrown.

And now that little one is expecting her own little one. And she and her husband are building a house. Whew!  They are definitely anticipating the future. Worrying in advance. Planning ahead.

Sometimes, though, done correctly, anticipation is the best part.

I think these pictures tell that story without any help from anything I might write.

Sick

No, I do not have the Swine Flu. I have something worse. Maybe just the regular flu - or the giraffe flu - or something. But whatever it is certainly should be reported to the CDC as something nasty, although when I called the doctor to offer myself up for a nasopharyngeal swab he said, "even if it is the Swine Flu what would we do for you?"

Well, how would I know!?!?

He certainly seemed cavalier about the fact that I was getting ready to croak. Oh, well....best to stay out of the news, I guess.

After taking four days off from work and wasting three days of vacation time, I feel marginally improved. I keep waiting for the Relief Society president to show up with loads of compassion and something yummy to eat and then I remember....oh, yeah....I'm the Relief Society president. Bummer.

Today I've been in that limbo zone. Too sick to go to work or really enjoy anything I like to do, but not sick enough to sleep all day. So, I have spent entirely too much time wasting time, engaging in activities such as:

1. Straightening and alphabetically organizing my bedside medicine collection which includes:

a) Tissues
b) Thermometer
c) Tylenol
d) Mucinex
e) Augmentin
f) Vicks VapoRub
g) Hall's Cherry Lozenges
h) Ricola drops
i) Zicam
j) Saline nasal spray

2. Shopping online and buying this book on North Carolina barbecue (like I needed it...):



3. Looking online for ideas of yummy things for Kent to fix me to eat, such as:

Fried okra



Or a nice slice of homemade coconut pie:



4. Reading a book about the Enders Hotel in Soda Springs. (Of all the exotic, beautiful, amazing places to read about and I settle for a book about Soda Springs, Idaho).

5. Spending entirely too much time on Facebook.

6. Staring into the pantry and refrigerator.

7. Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and wondering how many e-mails I have at work now that will need to be answered on Monday.

8. Constantly reminding everyone who gets within six feet of me to stop breathing and wash their hands with Clorox. This has worked so far. I'm the only one that's sick (knock on wood...).

It is true that nurses make the worst patients. I am living (barely) testament of that. Hopefully, tomorrow will see continued improvement. I hope so. I'm out of things to do.

"It's only a cat....."

This is Shirley and yesterday, we had to put her to sleep.

We had a hard time knowing what to do. She's been blind and mostly deaf for about 6 months, but got around just fine as long as we didn't move the furniture. She was quite happy curled up on the heater vent or sitting on someone's lap getting her ears scratched. We mashed up soft cat food and added warm water so that she could eat easier. She had a happy old age.

But then, a couple of days ago, she got sick and we knew she wasn't going to get better. We didn't want her to suffer but, wow - that decision of putting them to sleep is hard, hard, hard. We got her as a kitten in 1994 and we've had her for so long that it's hard to remember a time in our family when we didn't have her there. Intellectually, I knew exactly what we needed to do. My heart, however, took a little longer to decide. I'm still not sure it's completely on board with the decision.

We took her to a dear friend that we've known for over 20 years - Dr. Reed Hanson in Rexburg. We didn't want her to have this experience in the hands of a stranger. He was so gentle and tender with her. And he understood my puffy eyes and uncontrollable emotion. Shirley and I both were in good hands.

He examined her, said he might be able to give her I.V. fluids to help her out a little but I had made the decision. We couldn't postpone the inevitable, much as I wanted to. No....we had the ability to release this little spirit from a body that was nothing anymore for her than pain and suffering. And, after all, isn't relieving the burden what friends do for each other?

I was very nervous. I didn't know what to expect, but I knew I had to stay with her no matter what. As it turns out, I didn't need to worry. He helped her out so quickly and tenderly that it was almost a spiritual experience just watching it happen. He even gave her a little pink bandage for her arm where he had shaved off her fur to find a vein.

It didn't seem right leaving her at the vet, so we brought her home and buried her in the back yard, close to the house.Perhaps this summer I'll plant a little tree there.

I've heard people say "well, it's just a cat". How do I explain to them that a little animal who shares your home for 15 years is more than just a cat? How do I express the love our family has for this creature who has taught us to love and care unconditionally? She never failed to come when called and always purred in our presence, even if we weren't petting her. She just liked being around us.

I don't think Heavenly Father would allow us to form these loving connections with animals if we weren't going to resume those relationships later on. So, for now, we say a temporary goodbye to our little Shirley and thank her for a kitty's lifetime of love, fun, and sweetness.